Over my vast number of years here on earth, I have learned much about myself. In fact the last time I was in a counseling session with someone, he told me that it sounded like I had already counseled myself and his input was not going to be of much help. And over the years and trying times in my life, I guess I am glad i have been able to “guide” myself through tough decisions. I have said that I was the type of person that didn’t seem to give power to people/friends to tell me what they think I should do, and as a result I have only one or two friends that will give me their opinion as to what I should do in a particular situation.

I have some friends that seem to be the opposite, and for some reason or another the friends they have always have some kind of input as to any decisions they are going to make. And usually they are not what the person hearing them wants to hear. But in some cases those unsolicited and sometimes solicited words of advice can come in handy and help a person to better think out the directions they wish to go.

While in fact I like the idea that I don’t have people always telling me what to do, as if I am not wise enough to make my own choices. But sometimes, you need to fall and skin your knees a little. Yes… I guess I have skinned mine up pretty bad quite a few times during the course of my life. And then there are the times when you have pretty much counseled yourself and just to double check you go out and solicit the advice of others. And then when almost all of them tell you to do the opposite of what you wish to do, it can cause you to just withdraw even more and feel you are alone in your world of choices to make.

Ok… by know you may be wondering where on earth this is going, or what’s up in my life that I would post such a thing. I think a lot of it has to do with me being so far removed from my life before my recent marriage, that I now am really an island. I called myself an island before, but looking back on it no, I see that I wasn’t and that many people were a part of my life influencing the ways that I went and the choices I made. Of course they just didn’t know they were doing that. And now 325 miles away from that environment and friends, and all I have known for the last five years… well lets just say, you can officially call me an island now.

But I must continue to stay above water, and I am sure I will continue to counsel myself most of the time. But I really do welcome the input of my friends, and hope that they see past my wall I have around me and offer advice wether I listen to it or not.

I was asked to define “Love”. Is that as easy as it sounds, probably not. Sure, it’s easy to define aspects and attributes of love but to put down what it means to you in words turned out to be quite a chore. Especially since there are many flavors of love, such as: “I love my cats” but it couldn’t be the same love I have for my parents. Or telling a fellow member of my church family or any friend for that matter, that I love them, is no doubt not the same as telling your lover or spouse that you love them.

So then, do we use that fine line of definition to get out of coming up with a verbal answer to “what is love?” or try to break down the many aspects of it and come up with multiple definitions depending on whom it applies to.

Lets start with a typical dictionary definition and see how it applies to our own views.

noun1 an intense feeling of deep affection : babies fill parents with intense feelings of love | their love for their country.• deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone : it was love at first sight | they were both in love with her | we were slowly falling in love.• ( Love) a personified figure of love, often represented as Cupid.• a great interest and pleasure in something : his love for football | we share a love of music.• affectionate greetings conveyed to someone on one’s behalf.• formula for ending an affectionate letter : take care, lots of love, Judy.2 person or thing that one loves : she was the love of his life | their two?great loves are tobacco and whiskey.• Brit., informal a friendly form of address : it’s all right, love.• ( a love) Brit., informal used to express affectionate approval for someone : don’t fret, there’s a love.

verb [ trans. ]feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone) : do you love me?• like very much; find pleasure in : I’d love a cup of tea, thanks | I just love dancing | [as?adj., in?combination ] ( -loving) a fun-loving girl.

Looking over these general definitions of love, I can quickly see that it is a word we have stretched far beyond the actual meaning of the word when it first comes to mind. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know that saying I love to cook is nothing at all like telling your wife that you love her.

One thing is for certain in all this, and that is that the use of the word “love” implies that you like someone or something more than a lot of other things. And to a degree that it has a higher or special value in your hierarchy of “like & dislike values” in a persons life. So that if you love to drive fast, probably means you don’t like driving in traffic nearly as much. Or that if you tell a person you love them, you placed them on a closer and higher value scale as far as your affections are concerned. And lets not go to far there, because breaking down the definition of “affection” could be cause for another study in itself.

So now to make things simple, I am going to break down the word into only two types of meaning. One is for the fact that you really like or enjoy someone or something. The second one one which I am trying to figure out my definition, is love of someone you are married to, want to marry or are what is known as “in love with“.

You can even test yourself to the degree of love you have for someone by separating it into being “in love with” or simply “loving them”Its easy for time to wear on a couple or even just one of the persons involved to where it becomes a great love for the other person but not necessarily still “in love”. And for this blog, that will be the focus of the degree or type of love I am trying to define.

To be “in love” is more than just a knowledge of a person, a time of life you may have went through together, a sexual affection, or anything based on history of the relationship. To be “in love” also has emotional triggers and motor responses that go along with it. For example, if you simply look at a photograph of your loved one and it triggers a smile by itself, that could be a key sign itself. Or if when you see them after not seeing them for a day or an extended period of time and your heart speeds up a bit and you just want to be with them and hear them speak to you. Or maybe you are having a bad day (so to speak) and you get a text message or an email from them and it lights your world up again.

Another sign is when you make long range plans for your life or even a life changing decision, if you also stop and think about how it will affect them. And you no doubt would be in the “in love” stage if you based your life altering decisions on what they had to say about it too. It would be obvious to you that they are still a bigger focus in your life than the things of life. Something which is of far greater importance in the grand scheme of things.

When your loved one enters into your mind by being triggered by a visual or even just a thought is a pretty good sign they are still at the top of your love list. The emotional response and feelings that seem to come natural and out of the norm for anyone else are a great thing to experience, and so is being “in love”. Sure you might loose the “tingles” of first being in love, but that doesn’t mean you can’t keep that feeling of being “in love” alive. If you even have to work at it to keep that feeling, it will be the most rewarding work at something you will ever do. But if you keep things in focus, you wont have to work at it at all. And then there is the ultimate answer… if you both keep God at the center your bond will be much stronger, than having Him tag along for the ride.

So often we tend to let the things of life begin to overtake out pursuit of love and being in love. You may think why is that so important, well I will tell you that God didn’t make Adam CEO of a large company first. He saw than man should not be alone, and the rest is history. Adam and Eve didn’t need a Lexus to drive through the garden or a penthouse to dwell in. That should give you a clue as to how we have let the things in life become more important than the person we love… that is a very sad state to get in.

I think those last few paragraphs pretty much hit the nail on the head. And if you find your self to have settled to being where you “love” your mate but can’t declare it that you are still “in love” with them. Well… thats an easy fix that can start right from the moment you notice it. You both have changed over the course of time, but what the person brought into your life and heart is most likely still there and you have just let the world weather your mind into a state where you have forgotten to just breathe and enjoy the aspect of living and having a partner that loves you and get back to that state of “being one”.

Now here is a real kicker for you to finish out this love blog…

So if you find your face light up when you look at a picture of your mate, does it light up when you go into someone else’s home or business or possibly in a public place and you see a picture of Jesus hanging up?

During FDR’s Inaugural address he pinned the famous quote "the only thing we have to fear is fear itself", and I am here today to drive that point home for you.

As a child did you fear the dark, think monsters were in the closet or under the bed. Or even now as an adult, do you work with someone you know who is a monster at work but a real charmer at social functions, church and other places outside of the workplace? Or maybe you live with some other types of fears that actually control your life.

Of course you are going to respond that you have fears, but they don’t control your life. Let me tell you this… if you have any fears at all, then they in fact do control your life in some way. Since fear is simply an emotion, then we already have the first key in unlocking its mystery. And to be exact, lets look at websters definition of fear.

This can be or not always is an emotion or feeling that is taken lightly, but that in itself is the best way to combat this mystery. As the basis of fear resides in our minds, when it is something that can physically harm us then it is danger. We can face danger with fear or without fear, the choice is yours. Yes… thats right, the entire feeling of fear is all up to you. Unlike danger, that is actually present and a threat to your personal safety, fear in itself is no threat to your pesonal safety.

Lets take the situation of a child afraid of things in the night. If you were to face those fears on the same level as the fear itself, and to not show the fear that you are afraid of it, then there is no danger at all from the fear. Fear is totally a product of your mind at work, and often at times satan has his hand in things. He seems to have that extra push it takes for fear to sometimes really consume a person so much that they loose sight of whats real.

Much like a dog that approaches you, his instinct lets him know if you are afriad of him. And lets not get fear mixed up with the fear that comes from actual danger. Such as if a theif appraoched you with a gun and demanded your wallet. Of course you would be afraid, but that is a fear created from an actual physical threat. This blog is primarily relating to fear that is not caused by this type of instance.

In short, we must realize that the level and degree of fear is all a creation of our own minds. That is where we can see the separation in people that strive in fear and those that cower and give in to the emotion. Why is a person "brave" in a fearful circumstance, and what makes one run and hide. It all begins and ends, with that persons image they have created in their own minds as to what extent of danger this fear has. For those that face fear with a smile and the energy to face it, that simply means the person has decided to not let the "fear" emotion control them.

I once read a study that claimed an emotion lasted for only 2 seconds, and that we choose to continue to rebirth those emotions for as long as we stay in that state of mind. Now I am not saying I actually believe this or dis-believe it. I know that if you watch a toddler who fell while walking but didn’t hurt themselves. You can see how they can go from crying loudly to laughing, depending on the reactions of those around the child and how they react as well. So if a infant can control his emotions to that extreme degree, then why can’t we as adults do the same? just like the monsters in the closet, we can choose to be thier friend or be scared to death of them all in the same moment.

Using a great movie example, if we look at the movie "Monsters Inc", we see that none of the so called monsters are afraid of each other because they don’t see each other as monsters. And I can’t reiterate enough that this entire blog is only related to emotional and mental threats. And is by no means an answer for an actual physical threat where you could be hurt or killed. But for the mental monsters in our life, it is all on you.

If someone you work with or you are caused to interact with that absolutly aggravates the pee out of you or just is mean and rude to you, then how you handle it is all on you. Not on them at all, but your reaction is what causes the person to be seen as a monster. In a simple analogy to describe it, would be much like the person in a car behind you getting all upset that you didn’t acclerate from a green light fast enough or some other driving tatic they did not agree with. So they get up beside you and flip you off and mouth vulgar sayings at you. At that point you have the choice to either let it get under your skin or smile and wave like they are your best friend.

Just like the monster in the closet, their efforts were to make you upset and get mad that they flipped you off and to make you feel less of a driver than they are. Just like that monster you work with wants you to feel less than what they are. And that is the whole point to my blog, that if you don’t allow the monsters to make you feel, then they are no longer a monster.

Sure inside you are thinking of all kinds of reactions you would like to make in either a "I am gonna get you back" or "I am just gonna hide from you" response. But a response of "your comments did not affect me" will do wonders for both you and the monster. For the most part, if he can’t scare you anymore, then why would he continue to try to. If he feels that you are his equal, then he will determine it is not going to benifit him to try and scare you.

If we look at yet another hollywood analogy, lets look at the movie "ET". In this movie, the child could have been scared of this monster, but in fact the monster was scared of the child at first. As in the case of a lot of monsters, they can use thier scare tatics as a self defense mechanisim. If the child in this movie would have been scared of the monster, then the movie would have turned out much different. Just like when the girl "Drew Barrymore" saw the monster she was scared to death. She could have just as easily saw him and reacted out of curiosity or something other than fear.

So once again I will tell you… the degree of fear is on you, not the person or monster you face. If you want to stop letting monsters and the fear they cause to affect your life and emotional stability, then you need to first stop seeing them as monsters. "Fear", the emotion, doesn’t mean we have to run and hide or cower in the corner. We can see the danger or the percieved danger and simply process that as simply the "noun" that it is and not make it into the "verb" it can become.

Face your fears and tell them you are not going to let them control your life, they are certainly not going to affect the one causing the fear. You can admit to yourself that you have a fear, but its how you react to the thought that proves to be vital in your getting through it without pains. Face fear with a smile and the strength of the Lord, for just as FDR said… "the only thing you have to fear is fear itself". Keep it a noun and it wont become the evil verb that causes you distress.